___________________________________________________________________________________________________

Nano-man was as tired as he had ever been. After killing an archvillian, then fighting him again a month later, then dealing with his one hundred clones, Nano-man was stressed out.

Nano-man was chilling out with Microboy in Nano-man’s private arcade. Microboy had beat Nano-man twenty times in a row in Mortal Kombat. After all, Nano-man wasn’t the best in everything.

“Wanna play again?” asked Microboy.

“Uh….I don’t think so,” answered Nano-man. “I have some shopping to do.”

“Where?”

“At the mall.”

“Hey can you drop me off?”

“Sure.”

On the way, Nano-man discovered that he needed to get gas. He pulled into the Cell (Shell, get it?) Gas Station and filled the tank. When he went in to pay, he saw a robbery in progress.

“Stop!” he commanded the masked felon.

The robber quickly turned and jump-kicked Nano-man. Nano-man flew through the door and hit the gas pump island. Window cleaning fluid poured on him. The robber appeared in the doorway.

“You can’t fight me!” it said, and ripped off the mask. It was a woman! “If you’re Nano-man, then you can call me Nano-woman!”

She quickly left the scene.

“You got beat by a girl!” said Microboy, getting out from his hiding place.

“Shut up!” said Nano-man.

Ten minutes later, Frank Quentin arrived at the scene. The investigator, as usual, was too late to do anything constructive. But he questioned Nano-man anyway.

“What in the world happened here?” he asked. Nano-man related the story to him.

“You got beat by a girl?” Frank said incredulously.

“Shut up!” said Nano-man, clearly annoyed.

“You know, she kinda looked like you, Nano-man,” commented Microboy.

“She should,” he answered. “She’s my sister, Meghan.”

“That’s impossible!” said Microboy. “Your parents have all dominant genes. But that woman had blond hair and blue eyes, which are recessive.”

“She always was the oddball of the family,” answered Nano-man. “She’s kinda goofy, you see. But she can really beat me up.”

“Oh. Well, we’ll keep you informed of advances,” said Frank Quentin, as he got in his car to leave. “Your car was totaled by Nano-woman. Want a lift?”

On the way to the mall, there was a traffic jam. At the front was a man who appeared to be just standing there. Nano-man and Microboy got out to confront him.

“Who are you?” asked Nano-man.

“I’m Hispanic Man,” explained the traffic causer.

“Why are you called that?” asked Microboy.

“I’m Hispanic and I’m a man. Who are you, Stupidboy?”

“Do you have any special powers?”

“No, unless, of course, you count the concussive beams of energy that I can project from my arms.”

And with that he raised his arms. Microboy jumped out of the way as Nano-man was propelled backwards through various cars. By the time Quentin got out of his car, the villian was gone.

“Today isn’t your day, Nano-man,” Frank said.

“Ugghh,” was all Nano-man could say.

“That guy looked like you, Mr. Quentin,” said Microboy.

“Of course. He’s my evil brother.”

“What is this, a family reunion?” muttered Microboy.

Two days later, Nano-man still had a headache. And on that day he also got a letter. It read:

Dear Nano-man,
Meet me at the house on Darwin Mountain. I have important information to give you.

“You think it’s a trap?” asked Microboy.

“Of course,” answered Nano-man. “That’s why I’m going in.”

Darwin Mountain was a strange mountain. It was a mountain totally made of sedimentary rock. A river had eroded everything around it, leaving it towering thousands of microns above everything else. Many fossils have been found there. This helped the paleontologists and archeologists develop the theory of evolution. The breakthough came when Bob Darwin, world reknowned naturalist/furniture store giant CEO developed his version of evolution, which he called the Theory of Evolution by Natural Selection. Another naturalist, Edward Coli, develped the Modern Theory of Evolution. In honor of Darwin, this mountain was named after him. At the top was one house. It was privately owned but rented out for times when people wanted to set traps for superheroes or hold archvillian assemblies.

When Nano-man and Microboy got to the house, they rang the doorbell. No one answered. They tried to the door and were surprised to find it unlocked. When they had proceeded ten microns into the building, they heard the door slam behind them. Nano-man braced himself for the ambush. Instead of being attacked, though, all he heard was a hissing sound.

“Gas!” he gasped.

He ran towards the door, but he was too late. Everything went hazy, then black.

Nano-man woke up with his hand and feet bound, on a metal floor in some warehouse. He was still weak from the gassing. So he couldn’t break the bonds. Microboy was five microns away, also bound.

“Hello, Nano-man,” said a familiar voice. “I hope you had a nice nap.”

The man who said it was a shriveled, tiny man, half Microboy’s height. Nano-man then remembered the voice. It was The Virus! But The Virus was twice Nano-man’s height, and had also been destroyed when his weapon backfired in Nano-man’s first written adventure.

“I know what you’re thinking,” The Virus said. “But I survived the implosion of my weapon. But I was reduced to my present size. And unexpected consequence was that I became radioactive. My half-life is five thousand years. I will live to see my master plan come to life! Now, meet my associates.”

The Virus pointed to a mass of large red slime. “This is the Blob. He can eat through anything. He can cause himself to undergo physiological adaptations almost instantaneously.”

He next pointed to a guy in a loud bodysuit of all the neon colors. “This is pH Man. You’ve fought him before. He can produce acidic and basic solutions and spew them at people.”

He pointed to another man and a woman, who looked vaguely like Frank Quentin and Nano-man, respectively. “You’ve already met Hispanic Man and Nano-woman.”

He then pointed to something that looked like a whale with butterfly wings. It hovered in the air. “We call in the Thing. It’s the result of one of Dr. Von Martin’s genetic experiments. If you look at the Thing’s flipper and a human hand, you will see that they are homologous structures. If you look at it’s wings and a bird’s wings, you will see that they are analogous structures.”

“And back there,” The Virus said, gesturing at a dark corner, “are one hundred and one Dr. Von Martins. They were essential to my plan. We set up a jailbreak and rescued them all. They’re amazing! You just feed them a little and they’re happy. Sure, they’re dirty, smelly, and kind of crazy, but that’s the price I pay.”

“Before I do away with you,” he continued, “I’ll tell you my plan. Using Dr. Von Martin’s knowledge of genes, and my overpowering intellect, I have created a computerized machine that can control all adaptations in a population. I will slowly change everybody to peace-loving, weak, servile citizens. After that, I will stabilize the gene pool and create genetic equilibrium. Then my archvillians and I will wreak havoc on these people. Crime will run rampant. But these people will be unable to make behavioral, morphological, or physiological adaptations. The people will be unable to survive. But we, being nasty and mean archvillians, will be perfectly suited to this environment. Due to natural selection, we will take over! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!”

“Not quite,” said Nano-man, untying himself. “With the help of my trusty Swiss Army Knife, I’m now free. Here, Microboy.” Nano-man quickly cut Microboy’s bonds. “Okay, Virus. Now that you’ve told me your plan, I have a reason to fight you. I suggest you surrender.”

“Not a chance,” countered The Virus. “Come on, guys!”

The archvillians slowly closed on our heroes. Things looked dim for Nano-man. Suddenly, there was a crash from above! Something had jumped through the skylight. It looked like a red ball.

“I’ve come to help you, Nano-man,” said the ball.

The ball landed on the ground, unrolled, and stood up. It was a ….raccoon?

“Since you took my case for me, I’m helping you,” it said.

“Red Raccoon!” said Nano-man. “My old buddy! You shouldn’t have come. You don’t have any special powers.”

“Neither does Microboy,” whined Red Raccoon. “But you let him come along anyway.”

“That’s different,” replied Microboy. “I’m smart and provide comic relief.”

“I can provide comic relief!” pleaded Red Raccoon. He took five chainsaws, a unicycle, a banana peel, and a pie out of his pocket. He juggled the chainsaws while riding the unicycle, then slipped on the banana peel and fell face-first onto the pie. He stood up. “Ta-da! Please Nano-man, can I join in?”

“Hey,” said The Virus. “Can we cut the arguing and start battling?”

“As you wish,” replied Red Raccoon, as he leapt at Hispanic Man. Hispanic Man went wild as Red Raccoon attached himself to this face. He started wildly firing beams of energy. One of his shots hit the Thing, and shot off both of it’s wings. It fell on the ground with a boom. The shock wave carried the Blob off the ground, heading towards pH Man. He wildly threw balls of base at it, hoping he could save himself. Unfortunately, the Blob was mostly acidic. The combination of acid and base was not desirable , and the product burned them both severely. The Dr. Von Martins, startled by the commotion, stated panicking in and started to beat one another up. As Hispanic Man had been knocked unconscious by Red Raccoon, only Nano-woman and The Virus were left.

Nano-woman started walking toward Nano-man. Nano-man knew from childhood experience that she could beat him up, so he looked for a way out.

“Uh…um….er…hey, your socks don’t match!”

She looked down and shrieked.

“Oh no! I’ve got to get home before someone sees me!”

She ran right through the wall and ran home.

“Looks like you lost, Virus,” said Red Raccoon.

“I’m taking everyone down with me!” he said, running to the computer in the corner. “And with this, Metrocyte is doomed.” He pressed a button, and smiled exultantly. But nothing happened. He pressed more buttons, but to no avail. “What went wrong?”

“This went wrong!” said Microbboy, holding the electric plug for the weapon. “You should’ve used batteries.”

“NO!” cried The Virus as Nano-man cuffed him. “I’m gonna get you guys in the next story!”

“Whatever,” said Frank Quentin, who had just arrived, as he and his partner Aman Ali led the villian away.

Later on, Nano-man, Red Raccoon, and Microboy ate dinner at a restaurant.

“Hey, Red Raccoon,” asked Microboy, “how did you get from your world to ours?”

“Well,” answered Red Raccoon,” I was wondering when you were going to ask me that. I was working with my chemistry set in my room. I developed a shrinking potion and drank it.”

“And you shrank to our size!” exclaimed Nano-man.

“No,” admitted Red Raccoon. “It didn’t do anything. But then I decided to take a walk outside. When I crossed the street a truck ran me over. I had an out-of-body experience, and I drifted down here.”

“Wow!” was all Microboy could say.

Well pH man was treated for many second and third degree burns. The Blob was not found, and apparently evaporated. The Thing and fifty Dr. Von Martins were sent to the local zoo. The other fifty-one were sent back to the jail. Hispanic Man was forever changed by his battle with Red Raccoon, becoming a law-abiding, docile citizen. He decided to return home and live with his parents like his brother. Nano-woman was grounded for two months for threatening to cause mass destruction and beating up her younger brother. The Virus was locked inside a lead vault, to stay there until he became radioactively stable again. Red Raccoon woke up in his own world, with just a few broken bones and a concussion. All the good people lived happily ever after. The End.

Flickr Set here.

Nile likes to stuff animals down his pants. And they also like to wear cookware. Very nice. Also note the tendency to do something cute until the parents try and take a picture of it.

Cyrus is a grazer. So after some weak attempt at eating, he would scream to be let down, and then he would wander around and every once in a while eat something. Anyways, he would periodically shout “Up!”, asking to be picked up. Then Bruce or Tina would say “No Up!”, denying his request. And then he would cackle loudly, walk over to the other parent, and then repeat.

Nile pushed his toy something-or-other (maybe it was the lawnmower?) through the snow. I can only imagine what an experienced tracker would have thought if he came across these tracks in the middle of the woods.

I think this preceded some episodes where Nile pushed how close he could get to whacking Cyrus without getting in trouble.

A perfect metaphor for being a parent. In case you don’t notice, Nile is in the background, ready with a baseball bat in case Cyrus can’t finish the job.

When I visited, Cyrus had a bit of an awkward sleep schedule. He would get really tired at lunch. If they let him go to sleep, then he didn’t really eat much lunch, and he would wake up later hungry and pissed off. So the main effort was to try and get him eat as much as they could until he conked out.

I just can’t imagine how this is a comfortable sitting position for children.

There were times where he would fall asleep with food in his mouth.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________

Nano-man, Microboy, and Frank Quentin were exhausted. After battling Nano-man’s clone, his creator Erich Von Martin, and hordes of henchmen, they had slept for sixteen hours. Then the hate mail started to pour in. You see, Frank Quentin had accidentally destroyed the cloning machine and erased all files pertaining to it in its computer. That knowledge could have rocketed the science of biology forward fifty years. The scientific community was upset.

The press was upset, too. They desperately wanted to get the inside story. They broke into the house, although Nano-man threw them out. Never giving up, they laid siege to the house. Nano-man undaunted, climbed on top of his house, jumped to another rooftop, and continued jumping till he got two blocks away. He met Microboy at the corner.

Together they walked to Hooke’s Hall. The second day of the Genetics Convention was today. Microboy would rather have spent the day playing video games or basketball, but his parents thought that as long as he’s a superhero’s sidekick, he might as well learn something. As they sat down in their complimentary seats in the front row, Minnie Mendel came to the stage. Since the disappearance of Doctor Martin, Minnie Mendel was the leader of genetics research. She stated and established many ideas, such as the principle of dominance, the principle of independent assortment , and the principle of segregation. She also helped Nano-man when he was trying to find his clone.

While Microboy was making faces at the audience Mendel talked about test crosses with recessive organisms. While Microboy desperately tried to free his feet from the movie theater floor-like surface of the pavement underneath his feet, Minnie talked about how, with the genotype of the P1 generation, you can figure out the genotype of the F1 generation. Microboy was soon asleep.

After the convention, they went to Nano-man’s house to plan a trip. When they got there, they saw that it had been broken into. Nano-man immediately suspected the media.

“Did you break into my house?” Nano-man asked one of the reporters.

“No, but we got the guy who did on film!” said the reporter, excitedly.

“You didn’t stop him?”

“If we did, we wouldn’t have a story. Duh!”

Nano-man, realizing this conversation would go nowhere, went into his house to see if anything had been stolen. After searching for an hour, he could only identify a missing comb. Just then, Microboy’s parents called. Their house had been robbed while they went out to a movie. A comb had been stolen.

“This robber is either stupid or has really bad hair,” noted Microboy.

After that, things quieted down. The news crews left, one at a time. The superheroes visits to talk shows were cut from seven daily to five, then to two, then to nothing.

Suddenly, it happened. A month later. Déja vu. A man looking like Nano-man, maybe a little shorter, was seen robbing banks. Nano-man and Microboy called up their new ally, Frank Quentin.

“Want to help us stop him?” asked Nano-man in Quentin’s office.

“Sure! I haven’t kicked anyone in a while.” Frank Quentin, with his bionic, robotic, prosthetic foot, he could kick harder than 200 men put together.”

“I bet you can’t wait to use that gun again!” said Microboy.

“Oh yeah! Well about that, I don’t have it anymore. You see… I was looking at it outside, and it kinda was turned on, and it kinda went off and it kinda was on a high settng, and it kinda blew up the Bureau Director’s new corvette–you know, the one that could hit 10 nmiles per hour on the endoplasmic reticulum highway– and he kinda took it away from me and kinda demoted me.”

“Did it kinda cause a lot of destruction?” asked Microboy.

“It blew up half of the cars in the lot and was seen from a satellite orbiting around the cell.”

“Oh,” said Nano-man. “Anyway, how do you think we can catch this imposter?”

“Right here,” said Frank Quentin, holding up a newspaper. “A reporter caught him after a bank robbery and interviewed him. Apparently, he is a cross between Microboy and Nano-man. A hybrid, if you will. They have his address right here. Let’s roll!”

In minutes they were there. They broke down the door to see a Microboy-Nano-man cross staring at them.

“It was open,” he said.

They jumped him. He knocked them all back. Apparently, the hybrid strength was enhanced farther than a normal Nano-man’s. Then they heard a chuckle from a dark doorway.

“Hahahaha. I see you’ve met my creation. I’ve named him Mano-man,” said the man as he stepped into the light.

It was Doctor Erich Von Martin!

“Didn’t we kill you?” asked Microboy.

“Yes,” answered Quentin. “I distinctly remember vaporizing you!”

“That was my clone!” countered the evil doctor. “You only killed someone that looked like me. But he had some problems. So I let him face you, along with a Nano-man clone. But now you’re up against me and a Nano-man/Microboy cross. I took cells from the hair roots in your combs for my genetic information. These autosomes obtained the information necessary for the rest of the body. Using regular X and Y chromosomes from a man, I got this creation to be male, very. In fact, just to be sure, I used three Y chromosomes. Hahahaha! Getting those sex chromosomes wasn’t easy, but I stole some!”

“Sorry to interrupt your ravings,” said Nano-man. “But we must stop you.”

Nano-man jumped at the biogenetic creation. It sidestepped the leap, grabbing while he sailed past and throwing him against the wall. Frank Quentin tried his luck by letting his foot go to work. He too, ended up thrown against the wall. Microboy thought of something.

“What’s that on your shirt?” he asked the seemingly unbeatable creation.

“Where?” the creation asked, looking down.

Microboy threw a door at him. While he was stunned, Nano-man threw a two-handed punch in the small of Mano-man’s back. He screamed in pain. Quentin planted his bionic foot squarely in Mano-man’s chest. He flew across the room, through a wall, and into a vat of some acidic chemical.

“No!” said the Doctor. “You have destroyed my masterpiece. Do you know how long I worked on him? I examined every trait, every individual monohybrid cross. What about incomplete dominance, multiple alleles, and polygenic inheritance. Those took me many days to work out and control. The only thing that made it easier was linkage. After all this, all that time making it perfect, how could it fall for a stupid trick like that?”

“Easy,” explained Microboy. “I always fall for it. It’s controlled by a gene that also controls my bravery. You obviously wanted your creation to be brave, so he would fall for that.”

The doctor was stunned. Only Quentin saw him reach for his pocket. They pulled out their guns at the same time.

“We appear to have a stalemate,” said the doctor.

“I have an idea” said Nano-Man, pulling a nickel from his pocket. “I’ll flip this coin 3 times. If it comes out tails all three times, we give up. If it comes out heads all three times, you give up. If it comes up anything else, we both leave and no one will win. Okay?”

“Okay,” agreed the doctor. “I studied probability in college. According to the product rule, the probability of three heads in a row is only 1/8.”

Nano-man flipped it once. It came up heads. The doctor started to sweat. Nano-man flipped it once more. Heads, again. The Doctor was dripping sweat now.

“It can’t come up heads again,” he cried. “It’s already come up heads twice.”

“That doesn’t matter,” said Microboy. “According to the Rule of Independent Events, the probability of this coming up heads is still 1/2.

Nano-man flipped it. It spun through the air, bounced off the floor twice, spun around and landed………..HEADS!

“No!” cried the doctor, knowing he lost.

Later after 100 doctors had been loaded in the police cars and sent off, Microboy talked with Nano-man.

“Wow, that was some luck we had to get three heads in a row, wasn’t it?”

“Of course not,” said Nano-man. “It was one of your two-headed coins.”

________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Ha ha! Oh man, that was a good ending. How many tropes did I use? I used the two-headed coin gag, the whole “you didn’t kill me, you killed my clone gag” (and whose to say that they dealt with the real Dr. Erich Von Martin this time?), convenient vats of acid (where’s GoldpHinger when you need him?) and a genetic twist. Much like domesticated foxes have spots, brave Microboys always fall for the spot on your shirt gag. Hold tight, kids, there’s only one more story left (or is there….)

Flickr Set Here
Slideshow Below
Pictures & descriptions after the jump

This is a blurry picture of Itsuki in our hotel room. Check out the crocs! Keep her away from escalators….

Apparently, she’s had enough of us, and will see us later. But what an adorable exit!

This is the dress that Itsuki was going to wear to the wedding. She kept on asking us if it was cute. Such a typical woman, always needing compliments.

Juvenile, I know, but I couldn’t help but take a picture.

We made our way to the church, and stayed outside for a bit.

Itsuki and Megumi pose for my camera.

Lindsay and Russ, sealing the deal.

After the ceremony, we all gathered out front to congratulate the couple. Yusuke is playing to his Japanese stereotype, taking pictures. Next to him is Steve, one of my roommates in Grad School one year.

One of the wedding favors was bubble making..uh…fluid. So of course, Russ had to walk through a small cloud of bubbles.

This was a bit of a reunion for Russell’s high school friends, a group that I’ve hung out with on a number of occasions. This includes Cameron, of course, but also their friend Liz, who brought her date Tonya. Here we all are entering the reception, and apparently dancing. And apparently I gave my camera to someone to take the picture. I don’t really remember this.

Cameron and Liz are still dancing.

Lindsay greets us all at the reception.

Adam does the honors of the Best Man’s toast. Also, he rocks the cummerbund.

Liz, me, Cameron, and Adam at the end of the night, probably.

Nano-man was the object of yet another parade. This was after he and his sidekick, Microboy together resolved a hostage situation, stopped two wars, rescued 16 alpine skiers, stopped an assassination attempt and successfully crash-landed a plane with all four engines on fire and no tail, all in seven hours.

After the parade, they shook hands with the crowd. Everyone wanted to shake the hands of the most famous superhero duo in modern cell history. They appeared to be average, a few nm tall. But Nano-man’s super-strength, super-speed and super-mind coupled with Microboy’s ingenuity and courage make them an almost unstoppable team.

As Nano-man was shaking hands, he felt something prick his skin.

“Hey!” he said.”

He looked to find the culprit but couldn’t find one. Some skin had been scraped off his hand. He didn’t think much of it and kept on shaking hands.

The next week Nano-man attended a Genetics Convention. When he came home, the police were waiting. They met him at his door.

“Mr. ….uh…Man.,” said the Policeman, “You’re under arrest for Grand Larceny.”

[Publishers Note : If Nano-man ever becomes a serialized television show, this would end the cold open, and the introduction music would start now]

“Last night the 21st Cellular Bank was Robbed, “said the chief of police. “The equivalent of 6 million nanobucks were stolen. The vault door was ripped off its hinges. The bank security camera shows a person who looks exactly like you stealing the energy. The perpetrator spray-painted “Nano-man did it” on the wall. You are the main suspect, Nano-man.”

“I was framed!” said Nano-man.

“Do you have an alibi?”

“Yes. I was at the Genetics Convention all night.”

“Did anyone see you?”

“About 2,000 people.”

“Oh. Aha! What did they talk about?”

“Well , they talked about advances in genetics (the branch of biology dealing with the study of heredity). They focused on heredity(the passing of traits from parents to young) and factors (Mendel’s term for the units of heredity that are passed on to future generations), and the chromosomal theory of heredity (a theory stating that chromosomes are the carriers of genes). Also, the cross pollination (the process by which pollen formed by a flower of one plant is moved to the pistil in a flower of another plant of the same kind) of F1 generation (the offspring of a parental cross) was discussed. The scientist showed me how to use a Punnett Square (a chart showing the possible combinations of genes among the offspring of a cross) to determine the genotype (the genetic makeup of an organism) of the offspring from a dihybrid cross (a cross involving two different sets of traits). Is that good enough?”

“Uh…..yeah. But you are still in our custody.”

Just then a lieutenant came in.

“Sir! Another bank is being robbed!”

“The vault door was ripped off, and the suspect looks exactly like Nano-man!”

“Ahem.” said Nano-man.

“Uh…sorry for the inconvenience.”

“Get out of my way!” said Nano-man as he pushed the Chief to the side. “Maybe I can stop him.”

“But the bank is five nano-miles away.”

“So,” replied our hero.

Nano-man ran the 5 nmiles in just under 4 minutes. He arrived at the bank just in time to see a shoot out taking place. The fake Nano-man was standing there watching everyone take aim in vain. The real Nano-man took a giant leap over the barricade of quad cars and jump-kicked the impersonator squarely in the face. Nano-man expected the man to give up, as most people do when they are jump-kicked in the face by a superhero. Therefore he was surprised when the look-a-like knocked Nano-man’s legs out from him. Nano-man was thrown against a wall, and was then hit by a flurry of strong punches. The counterfeit Nano-man then ran away, running faster than most cars.

“Wow!” said Microboy. He had been hiding under a police car during the fight. “You got your butt-kicked by yourself!”

A man approached them. He walked with a slight limp, and wore a trench coat. He was kind of short, a little taller than Microboy. He was angry. He flipped out his badge.

“Frank Quentin, Cellular Bureau of Investigation.”

“Hey, the C.B.I.” said Microboy.

“Yeah. Nano-man, why did you do that? We almost had him. Once the rocket launchers arrived, we would’ve had dead to rights. AAAARGH!”

Out of anger he kicked a can on the sidewalk. A sound like a power surge emanated from his leg, below the knee. The can shot up at least a 10 microns into the air, landing 600 nm away.

“How’d you do that?” asked Microboy in awe.

Frank lifted up his pant leg. Below the knee, he had a prosthetic leg.

“Underneath the pseudo-skin is pure titanium. When I windup for a kick, a nuclear reactor pack supplies power to my foot, and I can deliver a vicious kick. And if that don’t work, I use my special gun. It’s a laser gun, and fries almost anything I shoot at, depending on the setting of the gun.”

“I think we could use you,” said Nano-man. “Let’s go over and visit my biologist friend.”

They used Quentin’s squad car to race through red lights and arrive at the house Minnie Mendel, world-famous scientist.

“Hi, Minnie!” Nano-man said, barging through the door as Minnie was enjoying her frosted flakes.

“You could’ve knocked,” noted Minnie.

“I need your help. A facsimile of me is wreaking havoc on the city. This guy is as fast as me, as strong as me, and looks like me right down to the mole on my left cheek.”

“You have a mole?” said Micro-boy.

“This person is exactly like you?” asked Mendel. “He has identical phenotypes ( the outward appearance of an organism)? Or even the identical alleles (the different forms of the gene for a particular trait). Can I have a skin sample?”

After getting a couple of cheek cells, she put them under a super-magnifying quark microscope.

“Fascinating!” she said. “All your genes are homozygous ( a condition in which the two genes for a given trait are the same). Not even one is heterozygous (a condition in which the two genes for a given trait are alike). You are totally dominant (the form of a gene that is expressed and prevents the expressions of another gene). You must be part of a pure line ( a group of living things that produce young haveing only one form of trait in each generation) I wonder if your traits are sex-linked. Who are your parents?”

“I can’t say. I have to keep their secret identities a secret. They’re superheroes, too.”

“Hey, can you clone people?” asked Frank, wanting to get in this conversation.

“Theroretically, yes.” answered Minnie. ” But only one man has said he has done it, and he is a criminal. He claimed he could clone a someone with just a skin sample, in a week.”

“Hey!” exclaimed Nano-man. “Someone scraped some skin off of my hand at that parade. A week later, a me starts robbing banks. Who is this professor?”

“His name is Dr. Erich Von Martin. But he has not been seen in 10 years. How will you find him?”

“Got him,” said Microboy, reading something. “He’s in the Yellow Pages under Mad Scientist. He lives on 165th Street in the Maniac District. Let’s go.”

Microboy, Nano-man, and Frank Quentin raced to the scene. Nano-man knocked the door of the mansion down. A platoon of henchmen jumped them. Quentin set his gun to “sunburn” and knocked most out. Nano-man took out most of the rest. Microboy mowed down the rest with his machine tranquilizer dart gun.

They came to another thick wooden door.

“Don’t waste your energy,” said Frank.

He set his gun to Forest Fire and fired. The door burst into flames and fell backwards. That wasn’t good new for the people hiding behind it.

Quentin put his overheating gun down and went to work with his foot. He went wild. People flew across the room, through windows and into the ceiling. Suddenly, he stopped.

“I’ve blown a fuse!” he exclaimed.

Several henchmen took the chance the beat him up.

Microboy picked up the gun and drew them off.

“Thanks,” said the beat-up detective.

“I kinda like this,” said Microboy.

Within 2 minutes the henchmen were subdued. Suddenly, the Nano-man clone appeared. Microboy fired twice and missed. Nano-man leapt at the other real Nano-man and soon they were in a no-holds barred fight. After a few seconds, it was impossible to tell which was which, because they wore the same thing.

“FREEZE!” said Quentin in that authoratative resounding voice cops like to speak in.

Both Nano-men stopped.

“Which is which?” asked Microboy. “I know! I’ll ask questions. What’s the square root of 9,852?”

“99.25724155!” they both answered immediately.

“What’s the cosine of 67.59?”

“.381231734″ they both answered, even faster.

“Which came first, the chicken or the egg?”

“The egg!” both blurted out.

“Which one of you is the fake one?”

“I AM,” one shouted. “Whoops!”

Microboy set the gun to exra crispy and fired. There was only one Nano-man once again.

They all breathed a sigh of relief. Then they saw a shape in the shadows.

“Who’s there?” said Nano-man shining his light to the area. There was a nervous little man there.

“It’s just me, the professor. I’ll be leaving now.”

“Not quite,” said Microboy. He set the gun to it’s highest setting, McDonald’s Hot Apple Pie. He leveled the gun at the professor, and started to fire. But he saw a frail, scared, little, beaten, pitiful man. “I can’t do it.”

“You’re a wimp,” said Frank Quentin, and snatched the gun away from Microboy. He fired. the beam was 20 nanometers away from the Doctor when he was vaporized.

“That was COOL!” commented Microboy.

“Let’s see if we can find the cloning machine,” said Nano-man.

They found it in the basement. There was a giant computer, some vats of chemicals and twenty-some glass chambers. In each a Nano-man clone was growing!

“This is neat!” Quentin said as he walked forward. “This could be the greatest achievement of mankin—WHOOAAA!!!”

Frank tripped over the plug of the computer, cutting off the power and erasing all the files, which the Dr. forgot to save.

As he was falling, his foot, in which he had put a new fuse, activated. It propelled forward, and went beserk. In 50 seconds, half the machine was destroyed, and the other half was about to catch on fire.

“Let’s get out of here!” suggested Microboy.

Just as they were on the highway, the mansion blew up.

They thought it ironic that the clone of Nano-man, the smartest person in the universe, was killed because of a stupid trick. One would think it even more ironic that they thought they had seen the last of Dr. Erich Von Martin.

*******************************************************************************************

Oh man, what a cliffhanger! I wonder if Erich Von Martin and other blatant representations of my old classmates will show up in future stories.

With all the rugrats running around, long hiking trips were out of the question, but I’m a pretty low maintenance guest. All I look for is an opportunity to relax with friends. So we did a little wine tasting (Walla Walla has a huge number of vinyards), a little light hiking, and played some Axis and Allies.

Flickr Set Here
Slideshow below
Pictures and Descriptions After the Jump

We decided to go on a little adventure, and part of that adventure involved having lunch at Palouse Falls. Just in case you were wondering if falling would be healthy for you or not, this sign lays it all out for you.

Washington and Oregon have a lot of waterfall cred. Here is Palouse Falls.

I like this picture because it kinda looks like Cyrus is either being punished or forgotten. I think he’s just being free range at this moment. He’s definitely a grazer, not the type of baby who’s good at sitting down for a meal. By the way, Thanks Tina, for actually smiling for the pic, rather than being surly like Bruce.

Here’s me in the process of abducting Nile. I’m assuming that I just put the camera on a nearby, convenient pedestal. Cyrus is barely visible on the ground next to Bruce.

At this age, Cyrus hasn’t quite mastered natural walking yet. Bruce thought he “walked like a convict”, in that his arms were raised like he was saying “I’m Innocent! I’m Innocent! Don’t shoot!” I thought he just walked like a chimp, a more accurate but more boring analogy. Anyways, here I think he looks like a dinosaur ready to pounce.

I like how the “shock waves” from the waterfall are clearly visible.

I wanted to prove to you that the waterfall was not just some sort of illusion, a trick of perspective, so I’m zoomed out a little bit here.

I think that Cyrus is staging some sort of sit-in. No looking at the view unless his demands are met!

After Palouse Falls, we visited a little reservoir, in the hopes that it would be a viable watery playland for Nile and Cyrus, who love playing in the liquid stuff. In reality, it was kinda dingy. But that didn’t stop them from wanting to jump in. Here, Bruce wades in with Nile, just in case there are some sea monsters.

We brought tools to help with the playtime. Nile decided to help clean up the water by removing all that disgusting dirt.

When we all drive together, I get the front seat, so I don’t have to deal with the monsters in the back. But the Highlander has this special wide-angle mirror up front so that you can keep track of the troublemakers. I like how both Nile and Cyrus are asleep, and leaning towards Tina.

Bruce and I decided to check out a trail that he had read about it, and took Nile along so that Tina only had to deal with one crazy person in the house. This is the trail head. I don’t know what that horizontal bar was in the background, but I liked to think that pygmy bears live in the area and that bar is for hanging food from.

I took this picture at the start of the hike as well, before Nile settled into his carrier. I love how if you look super carefully at Bruce’s shades, you can see me in the reflection. I feel all “CSI” when I do that. Enhance!

Bruce and I went on a small hike….somewhere. The hike itself wasn’t so great. It was very well signed. In fact, we ended up on the wrong trail and inadvertently ended up back at the car well before we intended to. But this was an excuse to get Nile outside. Here, we took a little break to let Nile out of his hiking cage. He promptly took the hiking poles and tried to mosey away.

Every meal is an adventure in not eating stuff.

Cyrus tries to escape his dungeon, and Nile tries to wear Daddy Sandals.

Nile and Cyrus work with each to try and escape their horrible prison (filled with toys)

Nile loves Big Bear….did he just ask me to smell Big Bear?

Nile has an encyclopedic knowledge of heavy machinery, even at 2 1/2. He can correctly identify bull dozers, backhoes, excavators, steam rollers, dump trucks, tractors, etc etc. That said, I don’t really know what he’s talking about here.

Nile loves to vacuum. Not that theres anything wrong with that.

I gathered that this was a decently popular game in the Dumser household when I visited.

Anyways, John Stewart started making EPIC parodies of the rants-with-chalkboard-drawings, the first one back in March. He brought it back one last time after Beck announced he would be ending his show in April, and just in case you haven’t seen them, I thought I would post the videos. Better late than never, I guess.

After defeating the Virus and saving the world from the Osmosizer, Nano-man and Microboy returned home to a hero’s welcome. They stayed in the presidential suite at the Ritz Carlton, ate at the finest restaurants, and got invited to many banquets in their honor. The mayor of Metrocyte, grateful because Nano-man saved his job, offered to become his slave for life, but Nano-man politely refused. For a while, Nano-man and Microboy lived a life of peace and luxury.

But that all changed one day. The manager of the hotel rushed in one day. A tall man in a tuxedo followed him.

“Sorry to bother you, Nano-man,” said the manager. “This man said he had to see you right away.”

“And who are you?” asked Nano-man.

“You have not heard of me?” asked the surprised, tuxedoed man. “Here is my card.”

“Agent……7?” read Nano-man.

Microboy gasped.

“Not the agent double o seven!” he exclaimed.

“Yes.” said agent 007, happy someone recognized him.

“I’m sorry, but I have never heard of you,” apologized Nano-man.

“Then let me introduce myself. My name is Bond. Covalent Bond.”

“Wow!” Microboy said. “You’re the most famous secret agent in the Great Cell. I’ve read all your comics. I know all about your special powers. Can I have your autograph?”

“Sure.” Bond said, taking out a pen.

“Powers?” Nano-man asked.

“Yeah,” explained Microboy. “He can take apart and form covalent bonds, which are bonds that are formed when two atoms share electrons. Atoms are the smallest particle of matter that can exist and still have the properties of a particular kind of matter. He can take apart any molecule, a collection of two or more atoms covalently bonded.”

“Any covalent bond?”

“Yeah!”

“No,” interrupted Bond. “There are only two limitations. I cannot take apart the covalent bonds in living things, and I cannot take apart the covalent bonds between two atoms of the same element, which is matter that contains only one kind of atom.”

“You mean you cold take this apart into sodium and chloride?” asked Microboy, picking up a grain of sodium chloride.

“No. Sodium chloride has an ionic bond, which is a bond formed when two atoms transfer electrons. The sodium and chloride are ions, which are atoms that have gained or lost one or more electrons and so has a negative or positive charge. By the way, sodium chloride is a compound. It is composed of two or more elements chemically bonded. If you wanted someone to take apart that salt, you would ask my brother, Ionic Bond. He’s agent 002. But I’m forgetting the reason I’ve come. There’s been a robbery at the 1st National Energy Bank.”

“What did they steal?” asked Microboy.

“They stole carbohydrates and lipids. Carbohydrates are composed of carbon, hydrogen, and oxygen, that are the body’s main source of energy. They took monosaccarides, which are the simplest sugars, dissaccharides, which are double sugars produced when two monosaccharides chemically combine, and polysaccharides, which are large molecules formed when many monosaccharides bond together. Lipids are organic compounds, including fats and oils, that store energy.”

“That’s a whole lot of energy,” said Microboy.

“Will you help me find those criminals, Nano-man?” asked Bond.

“Yes. But first we must go to the scene of the crime!”

They hopped into the Nano-jet and sped to Great Cell. Within hours it was on the Horizon. Once they got there, they headed to the 1st National Energy Bank. What they saw there left them in disbelief.

A twisted, crumpled ball of metal was all that was left of the door. The opening of the vault looked like it had been eaten away by something.

“Are you that Nano-guy and Microkid?” asked an man as they approached. “I’m the president of the bank. Come on in. Maybe you can help.”

They went inside and followed the president into the security room, where rows of television screens that were hooked up to video cameras monitored the bank.

“Here is a tape of the robbery,” said the president.

They watched the TV screen. The camera shook as the bank door was thrown off it’s hinges. Two people stood in the doorway. One was about average height and had a neon green, purple, orange, yellow and pink suit with black stripes. On his suit’s chest were the letters pH. The other person was HUGE! It had to duck to fit into the doorway. Three guards tried to stop it, but it just bopped them on the head and they were knocked out.

The guy in the loud suit walked up to the teller and said “Give me all your energy!”

“Who are you?” asked the teller.

“Can’t you read?” he said as he pointed to the letters on his chest.

“FFFFFFF?”

“No! Not fffff, ph. PH! I’m pH man. I can turn things into an acid, a chemical that produces hyrogen ions in a water solution, or I can make it a base, a chemical that produces hydroxide ions in a water solution. Now give me all the energy this bank has.”

“It’s all in that vault back there, and I don’t have the combination,” stalled the teller.

Then pH man grabbed a computer nearby and concentrated. The computer started to sizzle. He threw it at the vault door. The door looked like it was being eaten! It just disintegrated! pH man started to gather up lipids and carbohydrates.

“If you try to call the police, Muscle Man will beat you up. He’s pure protein, large, complex, organic compounds that contain the element carbon, hydrogen, oxygen, and nitrogen. Don’t mess with him.”

Soon, they were finished with the robbery and walked through the doorway. They were out of sight. But the audio picked up pH man saying, “Glycine + Alanine yields dipeptide plus water.” Then the screen went blank.

“That’s all we got.” said the president. “They took two thousand fatty acids, six polys, 500 di, and 6 thousand mono’s. They took 5 thousand fructoses, the most valuable mono. They only took 500 glucoses and galactoses.”

“What’s the difference between those monos?” asked Microboy.

“They’re isomers, Microboy. They are compounds with the same molecular formula but different molecular structures.”

“What did they mean when they said “Glycine plus Alanine yields dipeptide plus water”,” thought Nano-man. “I know it must mean more than a chemical equation.”

“A chemical equation?” asked Microboy.

“A chemical equation is the symbolic language used to describe a chemical reaction,” said Bond, who was looking at a city map. “And before you ask, a chemical reaction is a change in which one or more new substances form. The glycine and a lanine are amino acids, the building blocks of protein. They are the reactants, the substances that react with each other in a chemical reaction. The dipeptide and water are products, the substances that a reproduced as a result of a chemical reaction. Aha! I’ve got it!”

“Got what?” said Nano-man.

“According to this map, there are two streets in the protein districts of the cell called glycine and alanine. And there’s an warehouse that used to manufacture dipeptides on that corner, right next to the lake.”

“That equation told them where to meet!” said Microboy. “Now we can go there and catch them. Let’s go!”

“But first I neeed to go to the Nano-lab and get something,” said Nano-man.

After going to the Nano-lab, they headed to the warehouse. Nano-man had picked up a couple of sealed beakers. Some said HCl on them, while the others said NaOH on them.

“What are those for?” asked Bond.

“They are our defense,” replied Nano-man.

They soon entered the protein district. There, nucleic acids, the hereditary materials of cells, controlled the production of proteins.

They stopped at the warehouse and went up the steps. The door was locked. Nano-man was about to knock the door of it’s hinges, but Bond stopped him.

“We want to surprise them.” he said.

He took out a lockpick and within seconds they were inside. It was dark. They stepped forward. Suddenly the door behind them shut! The lights came on.

“Thought you could surprise us, didn’t you?” said pH man from a balcony upstairs “Take this!”

A flood of water entered the room. pH man was pumping water from the lake. Our heroes were going to get crushed by a wall of water!

“Oh no!” said Microboy.

Covalent Bond concentrated. Suddenly, they was a flash, and all the water became hydrogen and oxygen. Nano-man, Microboy and Covalent Bond were saved!

pH man and The Muscle were before them.

“Take this!” said pH man, and threw a ball of acid at them.

“Take this,” said Nano-man, and threw the NaOH, which is sodium hyroxide, at the acid. Salt and water fell on the ground as neutralization occurred. pH man threw a basic ball at Nano-man. He countered it with a can of HCl, hydrochloric acid.

“Get them, you stupid piece of protein!,” said pH man in frustration.

The Muscle quickly went up to Nano-man and hit him with a punch. Overwhelmed, he fell to the ground, stunned. Before Bond could react, it hit him, too, and knocked him senseless. It then turned to Microboy.

Microboy held up an oversized water pistol.

“Give up or I’ll have to hurt you,” he said.

“It” laughed, and raised a huge hand over Microboy, ready to drive him into the ground.

Microboy fired! At first “The Muscle” didn’t seem affected, but soon everyone could see that something was wrong. He was shrinking! Soon, he was just a pile of water.

“What was that!” said Nano-man, just now getting up.

“It was an enzyme-water mixture,” explained Microboy. It performed hydrolysis on it, and now it’s just a bunch of amino acids.”

“Watch out for pH man,” said Bond, just waking up.

pH man threw countless acids and bases at Nano-man, who neutralized them all.

“Come quietly, an you won’t get hurt,” said Nano-man.

“You’ll never capture me!” said pH man, and ran into another room.

Our heroes tried to follow, but the door was locked. Nano-man broke it down and they all saw a gaping hole in the wall overlooking the lake. pH man had escaped.

“We beat him!” said Microboy.

“But he’ll be back,” said Bond. “Let’s get the carbohydrates and lipids and go back to the bank.”

They did that, and each was handsomely rewarded. Nano-man, Microboy, and Covalent Bond were given awards, and invited to many banquets in their honor. After a while, though, things went back to normal.

Nano-man and Microboy went back to Metrocyte. The world was safe for now. But what really happened? Is pH man alive? Will he come back? We’ll never find out……unless he strikes again.

**********************************

Another outstanding episode. I wish I had a time machine, to go and look at my face when I thought of “Bond. Covalent Bond.” I probably cackled and clapped my pudgy hands together.