Irrelevance Glorified

I don’t know of any recent food product launch that has gotten as much publicity as KFC’s recent Double-Down. In case you are unaware, the Double Down is a “sandwich” composed of two pieces of breaded & fried chicken surrounding cheese, bacon, and sauce. If you are watching your Lose Weight Exercise, you can substitute grilled chicken for the fried chicken. That was not a mistake by the way — it’s a sandwich with no bread (but breading optional). I normally read a bunch of tech and political blogs, and many of them have come out with opinions. Consumerist had their review, and also included a review by Consumer Reports. Gizmodo ate theirs while using their iPads, because they are hipster nerds. Even one of my favored political blogs, FiveThirtyEight, got in on the fun (with a focus on numbers and statistics, because that’s how they roll). If you follow me on Google Reader, I’ve shared a few items on it, because it’s hilarious in concept; you just get the feeling that it should be an SNL commercial (Taco Town!!!). Anyways, I saw a clip from the Colbert Report that includes it. It starts with mentally-ill food mascots, segues in to a Double-Down taste test, and caps it all off with a visit from the “German Ambassador to the U.N.” to try out some cupcakes. Pitch perfect

As I’m writing this, it’s November 6th and I’m on a flight from San Francisco to Tokyo. I’m flying ANA, and overall, I would have to say the movie selection is pretty impressive. The last time I flew to Japan, I was stuck with Jaws (the original movie), two different movies about North Pole explorers separated from their dog teams (focusing on the dog teams, of course), Big Momma’s House 2, The New World, Match Point, and When a Stranger Comes Calling. Not the finest selection.

But this time, I have a number of interesting choices, both old and new. The Hangover, about 4 Harry Potter Movies, The Taking of Pelham whatever, Training Day, a couple of James Bond movies, Transporter 3, Heat, Shawshank, The Da Vinci Code, Night at the Museum, Little Miss Sunshine, Babylon A.D., and some others. A number of these movies fall in that nether region of “I would never pay to watch that, but if you strapped me into a seat for 11 hours, I might consider them.” One movie in that category especially caught my eye : G.I. Joe.

From all that I’ve read, G.I. Joe is a horrible movie. I didn’t think that it would exceed my expectations. However, I did feel that it might be angry bad fodder. And boy, is it ever! It is so bad, that I find myself reaching for my laptop while the movie is still running so I can record the ridiculous before I forget about it.

G.I. Joe is just the latest entry in the obsession with taking my childhood toys, applying CG, and pumping out crappy movies. It should come as no surprise that movies such as Monopoly and Bazooka Joe (seriously) are in the works. As this movie was coming out, all the signs pointed to a disappointment. All the trailers were very careful never to show more than 0.5 seconds of any scene, with absolutely no dialog. No screening events. A Wayans Brother. Etc. But enough build-up, on to the suck. And naturally, there will be a lot of spoilers as I discuss the plot.
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